Food

I'm SO sick. The nausea comes all the time and though I'm trying to outsmart it, I'm still really uncomfortable a lot of the time. It seems to be tied most often to having an empty stomach. The trouble is that eating makes me wretch, but also not eating makes me wretch. So I'm trying to take small bites and not get too hungry at any one time. I have to find a way to work in some really low calories foods - more veggies really - because at this point I'm eating all the time and I've already gained 3 pounds since finding out that I was pregnant. I could easily gain a pound a week through the end of my first trimester. GROSS.

Our homebirth seminar was fine, but didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. I remain convinced it's the best way to get the outcomes that I want, and my husband remains unconvinced of the benefits and scared of the risks. So I'm back to trying to find a new OB who will have a better bedside manner. I'm focusing on doctors who will deliver at either Providence Tarzana or at Cedar Sinai. Problem with Providence is there are only 2 doctors on our insurance there and the problem with Cedars is a lot of the doctors are kinda far away to be going all the time. So I have a place to start and a plan in my head and we'll just have to see what happens.

One of the baby center posts asks about bonding with the baby. I'm not really sure what that means at this point, so I guess it hasn't happened for me yet. Maybe next week when we hear the heartbeat. Maybe not then. I started out this pregnancy in constant fear of miscarriage and I've definitely found that much of my fear has gone, even though the truth is that miscarriage should still be a real fear. Right now, I just feel lousy. Tired, nauseous, and with terrible heartburn. Nothing about that screams baby on the way.